Mar 292016

These worksheets are designed for undergraduate students who want practice questions that are much more interesting than the ones in the text book.


1. After years of practice, Fred’s anal cavity holds 5 L of liquid at body temperature (37°C). If Fred wanted to get off by exerting 3 atmospheres of pressure in his ass, how many moles of N2 should he use? It it something he should do regularly?

2. Susan has just bought an asphyxiation mask for a little breath play with her new partner. Once sealed around her neck it expands elastically with the amount of air that you fill it up with. If it is filled with 0.2 moles of air what is the volume of the mask? Should the warranty cover over inflation?

3. Arnold’s mum has a collection of 18 dildos that she keeps in a 10 L sealed bag. After a visit to her common interest group, she accidentally leaves the bag outside and 0.02 moles of moisture on the dildos evaporates. If the bag is 80ºC what is the pressure in the bag in kPa? How does it smell?

4. Beth has just bought a budget inflatable boyfriend. It takes 5 L and 0.02 moles of air to fill him up. When she is laid on top of “him”, the pressure goes up to 1.1 atm which, in combination with the vigorous movement, causes the temperature to rise. what is the temperature of the “man”. Should she buy the deluxe version?

5. Jeremy has always been interested in Brazilian fart porn. He decides to buy a balloon full of fart from his favorite actress. The balloon holds 0.01 moles of gas at room temperature. What is the volume of the balloon? Will it fit through the letterbox?

Click for answers:

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Mar 292016

My nameRita-Colon-Urban-Old Westbury-Biology-Professor is Dr Nettles. I have a PhD in Biomolecular Science and an undergraduate degree in Biology and Literature. My mum said that I needed to do a “real degree” so I choose biology even though my true passions are roller derbies and Cornetto™ ice cream. I chose literature as a double degree since it distracted me enough to avoid impure thoughts about boys. That is a rule that I impose on myself and doesn’t originate from a position of religious indoctrination. As I always tell my students: “one cannot become a professor whilst constantly thinking about thick muscular fingers”.

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Mar 172016

Science communication comes in a large array of shapes and sizes. Like the stuff for kids – where you go into schools, pretend your job is great and try not to say the word “fuck”. Then, there is the type of razzle dazzle science communication which is science reduced to “oh” and “ah” demonstrations regularly seen at science fairs and in schools. Sure, it’s fun to watch but it’s the product of a much deeper ability and commitment than we give it credit for; akin to watching a classical musician play the Mario theme tune. Science communication among scientists is actually, most of the time, very, very boring. The daily chatter between scientists about science is concise and impersonal, like an autistic child calling you fat, and their papers in peer reviewed journals are clinical and wordy, like lit-erotica written by a lonely gynecologist.

At scientific conferences you get to see the faces behind science and realize that they look weird and unhealthy. Conferences are amazing places; they are glorified piss ups with people who are clever enough to have convinced other people that they are really clever. If you are attending a conference remember that nothing says “I want you to think I’m really really clever but I have crippling self doubt” more, than a quick succession of 15 illegible power point slides in a 10 minute presentation; bonus points for going over time so you don’t have to answer any questions. Furthermore, use terms like “furthermore”, “thus” and “moreover” a lot.

So here I go, joining the multitude of science communicators providing background noise to the process of science. There is absolutely no good reason to listen to what I have to say. Although, like a toddler in a cafe, if I make noise regularly enough, surely someone will listen.