Much like most of their policies, the Australian government’s position on the preservation of the Great Barrier Reef is outdated.
The Australian government has enlisted the help of Simon Cowell to reinvent the reef. As part of the proposed plan, the 6,000 year old reef will undergo a makeover to attract a younger demographic. Starting with the recently announced, and successful, large scale bleaching of its coral, the plan extends to dressing sea life in stonewashed denim and lace chokers. The Australian Prime Mister, Malcolm Turnbull, has stated that this excellent $20 million new image will help the reef connect with “the younger generation” and encourage teenage girls all over the country to put posters of the reef up on their walls and flock to the reef to scream at it. When asked about the changes, local teenager Amy Chofacer said “yeah, nah, what?”.
Parts of the reef will be doing an Australian tour later in the year to reach rural areas. Whilst this will inevitably kill the touring denim-clad members, the tour is expected to increase the reefs fan base by approximately 200 fans. Tourism Queensland are confident that the changes will make Simon Cowell very rich and, in combination with the proposed increase in global temperatures, will ensure that the sale of water-based merchandise will sky rocket.