May 312016
 
breakdown of schrodingers equation

Scientists, especially those with crippling social anxiety, live for the ability to be right and have others say “wow, you are so clever”. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen often. Luckily, there’s an simple hack if you need a quick fix of superiority – all you have to do is explain the Schrödinger cat paradox to someone. To fully experience the warm, slimy, gush of smugness, be sure to tell people that it’s really easy for you to understand it and you are happy to explain it more than once if their brain hurts.

This week, scientists at Yale university (the fancy university with a 4.3/5 star rating on Facebook) have ruined this much loved hack by making everything far too complex for anyone to understand. They have proposed an extension to the famous cat in a box theory where the cat is now alive, and not alive, in two boxes at once. The clever virgins at Yale have combined the original idea of Schrödinger’s cat with another central concept of quantum physics: entanglement. Entanglement allows an observation happening near you, to change the state of a distant object instantaneously. In other words, as soon as you settle for a partner that ticks, like, 90 % of the boxes, your long-term crush, wherever they may be, instantaneously find themselves attracted to you.

All this new proposal means is that it’s now much harder to pretend you understand what is going on with the world, and you’d be better off sitting in your favorite chair letting the dog lick chocolate off your nipples.

Clever virgins this way:

  1. C. Wang, Y. Y. Gao, P. Reinhold, R. W. Heeres, N. Ofek, K. Chou, C. Axline, M. Reagor, J. Blumoff, K. M. Sliwa, L. Frunzio, S. M. Girvin, L. Jiang, M. Mirrahimi, M. H. Devoret, R. J. Schoelkopf. A Schrodinger cat living in two boxes. Science, 2016; 352 (6289): 1087 DOI:10.1126/science.aaf2941

  5 Responses to “Yale scientists ruin perfectly good paradox”

  1. All i got from reading that is, i need to go buy some chocolate and see if the cats keen…..

  2. “warm, slimy, gush of smugness” – Love it!!

  3. I’m a virgin and must remind you that the spread of information in the quantum mechanical contex is still limited by the fundamental speed of light. Hence the use of instantaneously is factually incorrect. Now back to imagining what a female breast feels like… Aww baby.

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