Apr 042017
 
Why skin cancer cells are such wankers

Being told “you have skin cancer” is pretty rubbish. It’s up there with “your brother and I have been shagging on your favorite Egyptian cotton sheets” and “please get out of the swimming pool, I think you have just shit yourself”. Skin cancer is a really aggressive form of cancer which, if left untreated, can spread really quickly. […]

Mar 282017
 
The ultimate munchies for health conscious stoners

This week, the Canadian government announced that it is drafting some really boring paperwork to allow something that is anything but boring: the legalisation of recreational marijuana. The legislation is to be passed before 1 July 2018, which means Canadians have plenty of time to increase their tolerance before the arrival of the types of edibles that’ll make […]

Mar 212017
 
How to leave research like a boss

If you’ve come across this post because your last set of experiments went to shit and your supervisor is currently being a massive paper-demanding douche, now is absolutely not the time for you to leave research. I know that it would feel awesome to march into your supervisor’s office, flip the bird, expose yourself and leave […]

Mar 142017
 
Dressing up as Santa - not the only benefit of having kids

Accidental or not, once hot, fresh jizzum comes into contact with a lady egg you have a good chance of changing your life, forever. The good news is that having children is not only shitty nappies and sleepless nights. Scientists from the meatball scoffing country, The Kingdom of Sweden, have reported in the Journal of […]

Mar 072017
 
Just because you're a dickhead now, it doesn't mean you'll be one forever

Think back to when you were 14 years old. Did you know someone who was such a twat that you decided to never speak to them again? Well, if it’s been a long time, it may be worth reigniting the friendship. A new study, from the University of Edinburgh (home of the “posh Scottish accent“, […]

Feb 282017
 
You're poisoning your cat, and you don't even care.

Humans love to keep animals locked up for our enjoyment, we call them “pets” because “strokes” makes your uptight auntie feel uncomfortable. Keeping pets for entertainment means that they have to be enslaved in our homes for the entirety of their cute lives. While locked in your house, they are subjected to your questionable taste in music, the smell […]

Feb 212017
 
A misogynist's guide to supporting women in STEM

Dear misogynist, Maybe you have stumbled upon this post accidentally while looking for the men’s rights facebook page, or while trying to get your head around male privilege (That’s why I put google food in the first paragraph on these things). In the worst case, you are here because you have been sent a link to this article, […]

Feb 142017
 
Addiction resistant mouse makes better decisions than you

Even your favourite teacher loves doing drugs. Drugs are one of the cornerstones of life along with food, sex and using internet explorer to download chrome or firefox. If someone’s love of drugs becomes an obsession it can completely alter the reward system in the brain and lead to long-lasting behavioral changes that make them a junkie. In other […]

Feb 072017
 
Ugly and unsatisfied at work? Surgery can help

YOU LOOK FABULOUS DARLING! And a little bit like an android… Bandaged faces and leaky wounds are one side effect of facial cosmetic surgery. Now researchers from Australia (Oi, Oi, Oi) have found one side effect that doesn’t make your friends throw up in their mouths – increased job satisfaction. Fear not you ugly fuckers. This […]

Jan 312017
 
Getting saucy: putting the flavour into sex and tomatoes

Dissatisfied people from every part of the globe are rejoicing as two teams of researchers have identified how to put the flavour back into two important aspects of life – tomatoes and sex. Although this week has been a fucking nightmare for the free world, two teams of researchers have tried to bring a little bit […]

Jan 242017
 
A scientific reason to have joined the Women's March on Washington

On Saturday, hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world marched in support of the Women’s March on Washington. Arts and craft stores for kilometers (US translation: miles) around the Washington area had sold out of A2 sheets of cardboard and thick, sign writing pens. The most popular pen colours were: “back-to-the-dark-ages” black, […]

Jan 172017
 
Universities: Stop shuffling around professors and employ ECRs, simple.

When you work in a university for long enough you start to notice a worrying trend: High (not the fun drug way) level professors are in a state of continuous flux, changing institution at the drop of a hat for a better offer elsewhere. The better offer is likely to include working at a more prestigious […]

Jan 102017
 
Empty lab syndrome: Where did the researchers go?

One thing that I’ve noticed during my 10 years in a moderately productive scientific career is that, over time, the laboratories have become less busy. I remember times, early in my PhD, having to elbow-fight for lab space on 1960’s style wooden benches. The labs looked like how an escape room business would furnish a murder mystery theme. […]

Jan 052017
 
Andy's Science Predictions for 2017

I hope that you have all had a lovely Christmas and New Year and have managed to avoid work emails and food poisoning. As universities across the globe start to wake up from their holiday-induced comas, we can look forward to 2017 and hope that we don’t die, so that 2017 will yield a bumper crop […]

Dec 202016
 
What do postdocs need to succeed?

Last week, while most young scientists were participating in awkward Christmas parties and celebrating the prospect of another 3-month contract extension, a publication was released which looked at the career aspirations and postdoctoral experiences in Australia. The question posed by the publication is “What do postdocs need to succeed?. The publication is co-authored by Margaret Hardy, […]

Dec 132016
 
It's science, just kinkier

Are you a powerful vice-chancellor just looking for a little down time whilst satisfying your urge for industry engagement? Do you feel the need to be treated like shit whilst wearing your university-branded gimp mask? Perhaps, you are into a little bit of needle play? Well, now you can satisfy all of your darkest desires in […]

Dec 062016
 
The race between solar cell efficiency and World War 3

As the catalyst for the next world war waits patiently in the draft message section of Donald Trump’s twitter account, the world can rest assured that academics are able to ignore imminent global destruction as well as they are able to ignore imminent unemployment. Considering the majority of tweeting is done from the privacy of a toilet, I take perverted solace […]

Nov 292016
 
Stop wanking in front of your dog. This is why.

As it turns out, our adorable and fluffy room-clearing-fart-friends share some of our mental ability when it comes to remembering and reenacting events. Besides providing a seemingly endless supply of turds and happiness, our poochy wet-nosed-companions are able to remember things even though they don’t know that they’ll be tested on it later – in this respect, […]