Feb 072017
Ugly face completely bandaged

YOU LOOK FABULOUS DARLING! And a little bit like an android…

Bandaged faces and leaky wounds are one side effect of facial cosmetic surgery. Now researchers from Australia (Oi, Oi, Oi) have found one side effect that doesn’t make your friends throw up in their mouths – increased job satisfaction.

Fear not you ugly fuckers. This week, researchers from the University of Melbourne have found that, following facial surgery, ugly-in-the-face-region people had more self esteem and experienced higher levels of job satisfaction, both in the short and long term.

The world we live in is a horrible place. We judge people on their looks and we shout across the street to them: “Hey, you! You look like a melted bag of used waxing strips!”

As people grow old, wrinkly and see-through, they may start to feel down about how they look. Whilst others have always looked like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down.

Confidence is an important part of attacking the day with your head held high and is the boost you need to high five a barista like in an advert made by a shit advertising company.

Researchers analysed responses from 121 adults who had recently undergone facial surgery. Unfortunately, because some people didn’t answer the questions properly the study ended up with a sample size of 106.

Proving that people can be both stupid and ugly simultaneously.

Not only did the results show that people were more satisfied in their jobs after surgery, there was also a negative correlation with respect to job burnout (that’s a good thing).

Researchers Alicia Kalus and Christina Cregan, from the Faculty of Business and Economics, said “some of the participants looked surprised” and they were unsure whether that was due to the surgery.

In the future, researchers hope that objective processes for selection and promotion will help break the attractiveness bias found in the study.

“If workplaces reward talent and effort, women and girls may come to rely less on the traditional emphasis on beauty as a basis for self-esteem.” Ms Kalus says.



  1. Kalus, A. R. and Cregan, C. (2017), Cosmetic facial surgery: the influence of self-esteem on job satisfaction and burnout. Asia Pac J Hum Resour. doi:10.1111/1744-7941.12137



Apr 052016

Everyone has a big wet hole on their face and apparently we can’t help but stuff it with food. Sure, if you are going through a rough break up or are drunk, there should be no limits to what you can put in your face and masticate. But that mid-morning run to good ol’ maccas is doing us all harm. Like they say “a moment on the lips, a lifetime telling people you are big-boned”. 

A recent Lancet report looks at a family-sized-meal-with-extra-sides amount of data and finds that the global age-standardized mean body mass index (BMI) increased from 21·7 kg/m² in 1975 to 24·2 kg/m²  in 2014 in men, and from 22·1 kg/m² in 1975 to 24·4 kg/m² in 2014 in women. That correlates nicely with the introduction of drive-throughs, reinforced toilet seats and deep-fried things on sticks which, allow you waddle around while eating delicious calorie dense food.

The report is good news for all big beautiful women (BBW) lovers. Morbid obesity has reached a global value of 1.6%, so there will be more, much more woman to go around.

CD Risk Factor Collaboration (NCD-RisC), Trends in adult body-mass index in 200 countries from 1975 to 2014: a pooled analysis of 1698 population-based measurement studies with 19·2 million participants, The Lancet, Volume 387, Issue 10026, 2–8 April 2016, Pages 1377-1396

Apr 042016

These worksheets are designed for undergraduate students who want practice questions that are much more interesting than the ones in the text book.


1.  Write the equilibrium expression (keq) for the following reaction:

2SHITe + CoCK → (SHITe)2CoCK

2. Consider the following endothermic reaction


Predict the effect on the equilibrium position of

(a) increasing the amont of [FUCK]s you give

(b) increasing [FUCKYOU]

(c) Turning up the heat on your insults

(d) increasing the size of the flask that you keep your fucks in

3. During an acid trip, Ben asks you if life is in equilibrium with the world. Using examples from chemical equilibrium, provide an answer to blow his mind. Also, what is the best way to freak him out?

4. The Haber process is used to produce ammonia which is used to create fertilizer. This keeps food plentiful and allows people to literally eat themselves to death. Is it an endo- or exothermic process? If a person was to eat loads of KFC and fart in the reaction vessel what would happen to the equilibrium position? What is appropriate PPE for a fart based experiment?

N2 + 3 H2 → 2 NH3   (ΔH = −92.4 kJ·mol−1)

5. An alcoholic lecturer asks you: “an equilibrium constant with a value K > 1 means what?” How do you respond? and what do you buy  to bribe him to pass you in his subject even though you have no idea what he has said all semester?

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Apr 012016

It was a sweltering day in the lab and sweat was beading on her velvet skin. Sarah was excited mixed also with a little apprehension, because she knew that the task ahead of her had the potential to make her sticky all over. Sarah’s previous experiment had been a failure, but as she slipped on the latex gloves she felt a hot rush of determination; this time she was willing to take things to the next level.

Sarah obtained the nubile starting ester, γ-stearyl-R-Lglutamate (SLG), by a teasingly slow and kinky esterification of L-glutamic acid with the dominant stearyl alcohol (1-octadecanol) in an orgy of liquids including tert-butyl alcohol a hot and heavy reflux using sulfuric acid as a little catalyst BDSM play.

The corresponding hunk, carboxy anhydride, γ-stearyl-R-L-glutamate N-carboxy anhydride (SLG-NCA), was synthesized by reacting the blushing velvet core SLG with triphosgene (i.e., hexachlorodimethyl carbonate) in tetrahydrofuran (THF)

All PSLG samples were spanked like the naughty boys that they are by anionic polymerization of SLG-NCA in THF (approximately 10% monomer concentration) initiated by amines (N,N-diethyltrimethylsilylamine was obtained from Dr. Magic hands). The slow and hot reaction took a pounding throughout the 3-4 days at room temperature depending on the initiator used. The molecular weight was tied up and controlled by the ratio between the NCA and the initiator used.


Adapted from the materials section of:

Thermoreversible Gelation of Isotropic and Liquid Crystalline Solutions of a “Sticky” Rodlike Polymer Macromolecules, 2000, 33 (12), 4427-4432

Mar 292016

These worksheets are designed for undergraduate students who want practice questions that are much more interesting than the ones in the text book.


1. After years of practice, Fred’s anal cavity holds 5 L of liquid at body temperature (37°C). If Fred wanted to get off by exerting 3 atmospheres of pressure in his ass, how many moles of N2 should he use? It it something he should do regularly?

2. Susan has just bought an asphyxiation mask for a little breath play with her new partner. Once sealed around her neck it expands elastically with the amount of air that you fill it up with. If it is filled with 0.2 moles of air what is the volume of the mask? Should the warranty cover over inflation?

3. Arnold’s mum has a collection of 18 dildos that she keeps in a 10 L sealed bag. After a visit to her common interest group, she accidentally leaves the bag outside and 0.02 moles of moisture on the dildos evaporates. If the bag is 80ºC what is the pressure in the bag in kPa? How does it smell?

4. Beth has just bought a budget inflatable boyfriend. It takes 5 L and 0.02 moles of air to fill him up. When she is laid on top of “him”, the pressure goes up to 1.1 atm which, in combination with the vigorous movement, causes the temperature to rise. what is the temperature of the “man”. Should she buy the deluxe version?

5. Jeremy has always been interested in Brazilian fart porn. He decides to buy a balloon full of fart from his favorite actress. The balloon holds 0.01 moles of gas at room temperature. What is the volume of the balloon? Will it fit through the letterbox?

Click for answers:

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